Eating Disorder

I think there comes a time in everyones life where they wished they could change something about their appearance. People who have suffered from eating disorders take this to a whole different level. I speak from experience. I can honestly say that I regret nothing because this experience has made me unbelievably stronger. I now know that you are your own worst enemy and nobody can help you if you don’t want to help yourself. It’s so difficult to explain what goes through your mind when you’re battling an eating disorder. As horrible as it sounds at that point I didn’t care about the way my actions were hurting my loved ones. All I wanted was to be skinny… Beautiful, yah know? But no matter how much weight I lost and how much food I deprived my body from it was NEVER enough.  I’ve never felt smart or important so I thought that maybe being pretty would make me happy. Not once was I content with myself. I would put myself down every chance I could and isolated myself from everything and everyone around me. At one point I couldn’t even exercise anymore because my ribs would grind together and it would hurt. I was soo frustrated with myself. I wasn’t good for anything I thought. I’m so blessed to have my friends family and God on my side through all of this. Without them I don’t know what would have happened to me. Although I’m basically better and am eating healthy amounts for the most part there are some days where I feel like I just shouldn’t eat. Then I remember that I am more than the number on the scale and that I don’t want to hurt the people that I love. And with that I slam the door in Ana’s face…